I remember finding my mom’s sex toy when I was about 16 years old. She didn’t have it hidden very well, (and no I wasn’t snooping!) but the outcome of finding it was, well, a little disappointing. It was just so boring. It was just a small, white dildo. It looked like it was almost medical... Where were the bells and whistles? I wasn’t going to touch it to find out, but I knew one thing: I couldn’t wait to get my own!
My first sex toy, though, was actually not a dildo, but instead, a pair of handcuffs. I was in high school, and the outcome of using them was less than satisfying (but that is another story you’ll have to read in my new book, A Moment With Each of my Lovers.) After that, I dabbled a bit in pornography. I liked watching other people having sex... and it was a fun thing to have sex to, if you ask me.
That was, until my mom found my porno stash and got pretty mad at me. That, and she had a thousand questions:
Where did you get this (you aren’t even 18!)?
Have you even considered that your younger brother could find this?
Do you really like this stuff?
Are you gay? (I had a girl on girl video)
Why are you disrespecting my household rules by having this video? (technically, we hadn’t discussed this rule)
Thank god for growing up, right? When I met my husband, and our relationship became steady and comfortable, we [finally] dabbled in dildos. And vibrators. And creams. And cuffs. And whips. And sexy lingerie. And the bullet. Just to name a few.....
The thing is, a lot of people are gun-shy about jumping in the sack with sex toys, but they shouldn’t be. Sex toys are a great part of a healthy sex life, and they really spice things up. I love that sex is a creative act. There are SO many ways to do it so it never gets boring unless, of course, it gets boring. And let’s face it, sometimes, it can get a little boring.
We all have moments where we are less than satisfied with our longterm relationship sex lives; this is the cycle of ebb and flow. Sometimes one person is feeling blue due to life circumstance. Or we’re just having a bad week or whatever. Whatever the case, it’s important that you don’t make it a way of life--you gotta nip it in the bud! I think that people need to be more open when it comes to sex, (this is something I try to do) especially when it comes to their longterm relationships. At times, this can be easier said than done, but it’s all about being comfortable. If your partner approaches you and wants to spice things up, try to have an open mind and listen to what they have to say.
As long as we, as people, aren’t afraid to try new things, then things should, in theory, continue to be exciting. Sex toys are just one way to achieve this end. And there are literally SO many toys and items to choose from. There are great stimulation creams, fun edible items, and other more tame toys for beginners. For those of you who are more adventurous, why not try a glass dildo or a pair of love cuffs?!
Love and sex are supposed to allow us to break down the barriers and walls that we have put up. We should be unafraid in front of our partners, and willing to try new things. Here’s my motto when it comes to sex: if it feels good, DO IT! (and do it often!)
Happy love making, my friends!