You know what I kept picturing in my head? That scene from The Back-Up Plan with J. Lo where she first finds out she’s pregnant and she begins dating this guy. They are basically making out and he’s on top of her and she’s “so sensitive” that she practically has, like, three orgasms. Now, before you yell at the computer screen about how dumb my vision of this was, save yourself the trouble. I know, especially in hindsight, how crazy dumb this vision was.
I really thought that it might sort of be like that at least a tiny, weeny eensy bit. It wasn’t. Not even a bit. What I found out instead was that my sex drive took a distinct nosedive over the highest libido cliff that ever lived. Of course me being me, I didn’t let this deter me. I just said that this was a “mind over matter” sort of thing.
Boy was I wrong. By about week nine, I ended up sobbing into my morning coffee and when my husband asked me what was wrong, it came out something like this (through tears): Everyone lied to me! Everyone said that pregnancy sex was going to be so good! It’s awkward and I have no sex drive and I feel sick and I’m exhausted. They are all lairs!!!!!
My husband was very sympathetic to my entire sex tantrum and he reassured that it was going to be okay. I, however, did not feel like it was going ot be okay. In fact, I felt really devastated by the whole thing because I really do enjoy sex with my husband under normal circumstances. Even though I didn’t want to have sex, not having sex was making me wonder if my body was changing and my husband found me unattractive. Now, I know that the logic here isn’t completely sound, but when those hormones start talking, it’s all a lady can do to drown them out.
About week 10, I was more able to let the whole sex thing “go” and settle for less sex which seemed better suited to what my body was telling me. This was hard for me swallow (no pun intended!) But it was reality. The truth is that not every woman will want to have as much sex in the first trimester....she, like me, may not be feeling well. Her libido may be low and on top of it she’s turned off by food and exhausted. IT’S OKAY!
And here’s the silver lining: about week 13, I started to have sex dreams ABOUT MY HUSBAND! I knew it was surefire sign that my libido was on its way back to town. It came a relief to me, as I am sure you can imagine. BUT, if you don’t feel it, don’t worry. There are essentially no rules to how this “sex thing” works during pregnancy. Some will want it, and some won’t.
Here is my suggestion though: if you are finding that your libido is especially low and it’s geeking you out like it was doing to me, find other ways to connect with your partner. Cuddle. Do massages. Kiss more. Hold hands. Ask him to tell you that you look beautiful (I know, it may sound unappealing to ask, but sometimes you just gotta ask for what you need.) There are other ways to forge intimacy until your sex drive comes back!