BIW Versus Pornography

Every now and again I come across stories of a “pornographic” nature. By this, I mean that it’s a story talking about pornography and your relationship... should you or shouldn’t you be okay with your partner (usually a guy) looking at pornography either in video, magazine, or internet form.

As a married woman, whenever I see these stories, I have to sigh and ask myself, “just what are these people so uptight about??”

I just don’t understand, nor do I care to understand, why people are so uppity about other naked people having sex. If you aren’t fascinated by it, you might not be human. There are a million and one “levels” of porn, as I see it. There’s the sensual couple kind of porn, there’s the “I’m being only slightly naughty” porn, the girl on girl in a sexy way porn, the fetish porn, the questionable porn, and everything in between (and beyond).

My first experience with pornography started with Cinemax... which most adults over the age 25 know as “Skin-e-max.” I was 13 and I loved watching it and touching myself. Hey, women masturbate too. The second was in a teacher’s home (which we were supposed to be “sitting”) when instead we looked through everything until we found what can only be classified as the most gloriously sinful fetish magazines--Nugget. I was impressionable, and it left a distinct impression, as would anyone who had viewed this magazine!

Porn, for all intents and purposes, is just not that bad. Sure, some people think it’s morally “wrong” or whatever, but that is only because they have too much religion and not enough fun to realize how utterly insignificant such beliefs really are in the modern world (yes, I know, but I still said it.)

The truth is that pornography is a healthy extension of sexuality.

Some people argue that monogamy is impossible; I don’t find this to be true. What I do think is that sexual desire is perfectly human. We are, after all, animals, and animals have the desire to sample all types of goods. (Sidebar: I know this to be true because I have seen my dogs hump in any number of combinations). Humans are also capable of great reasoning, we are capable of reasoning ourselves into relationships, crazy as it may be at times.

I am very grateful for my husband. I think he is a fantastic human being, and I am so honored that he chose to be with me. I also know that he feels the same way about me, and as long as we decide to be this way, we can continue to love one another for all time. So do I feel threatened when he wants to see two perfect strangers have sex on video??? Not in the slightest.

I know that my husband loves me, and I feel secure in my sexuality. I also feel obligated to admit that I am liberated, modern woman and as such I don’t feel bad admitting that I like watching strangers have sex on video too. Variety is the spice of life, after all. Oddly enough, I can also tell the difference between reality and pornography. So just because my husband or I decided to watch pornography doesn’t mean we have to go out and take lovers or anything.

I think that the insecurity people have with pornography really stems from insecurity with ourselves. Sexuality is a thing to be celebrated and embraced, not hidden and/or shamed. Where shame exists there will always exist oppression... whether that oppression comes from within or without depends.

So is pornography a deal breaker in relationships???

Only if you find yourself uncomfortable with the realities of sexuality. At least that is how I see it!

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