Having Great Sex Starts With Body Confidence

Women can be very self conscious when it comes to their bodies. Many of us have spent a lot of time feeling bad about our love handles, or our breasts, or our stomachs, or whatever. This has all kinds of effects on our romantic relationships, but what I want to talk about in terms of the effects it can have in our romantic relationships and that is sex. That's right, I am getting up on my sexy, body image centered soap box. Happy Tuesday.

Women will go to all kinds of trouble to hide what they don’t like. Whether that means having sex exclusively with the lights off, or leaving a shirt on, women seem hellbent on hiding out when they feel uncomfortable. For your love partner, though, when it comes to you being uncomfortable during sex, especially with your body, the worst part of it all are your negative emotion, not your imperfections.

If it sounds like I am telling you to “get over it” then I am hitting the right note. Because the objective is not to love your vision of your perfect body that you wish you had, it’s to love the body you have right now in this moment. Simple truth? Bodies don’t change overnight. Another truth? Every body is different and that is OKAY!

Mass media bombards us with messages that we should all look the same...and it’s always unrealistic. We can’t all look the same because we aren’t all built the same. No matter how hard I try, I will always be under five feet tall. I will never, ever be tall and skinny. I am a big-legged woman. And I like it!

You know who else likes it? My husband.

I want to let everyone in a on a little secret about men and sex: by the time they are getting you to bed, the last thing they care about are the details of your body. Their main concern? That you are having a great time having sex and feeling good. That’s it.

They don’t see your cellulite or your dimples or your little stomach you swear you have but can’t get rid of. What they see is you....your expression, your enjoyment, your smile (your "o" face). When we become self conscious, it works against us because it sticks out like a sore thumb and works completely against our enjoyment of the actual deed: the sex itself.

I urge women out there to let go of their insecurities surrounding sex which stem from being too body conscious. Sure, you may still have things here or there that you don’t like....but in the bedroom is not the appropriate time to let those out. When you are getting down to business the person you love, there is no need of being self conscious or scared of what they will see...the bedroom is the place to let all of that go and just exist in the body you have now.

And if you can let go there, you can let go other places too.

If I had my way, women everywhere would learn to love their bodies as they are. If you want make improvements, that’s okay. Being healthy is always a great goal...but self loathing, being unhappy with your body, and hiding your body are NOT in any way healthy. Unless you can break free of those bad body feelings you have, you won’t be able to change...because change always starts on the inside.

I believe that women ruin a lot of good sex for themselves because they are just too worried about how they are being viewed. The view, though, always starts with yourself. If you think you are beautiful, so will others. Love your body, and celebrate and honor your body by truly enjoying sexual experiences. Let others see you fully and be proud.

So tell me, are you a little self conscious of your body when it comes to sex or do you let it all hang out? What are ways you boost your self confidence?! Share it with me in the comments section below--don't be shy!


  1. I have always been pretty small but have always had confidence issues in the bedroom, on the beach, etc. I constantly criticize and hide my body and while my very supportive husband calls me beautiful and constantly reassures me that I look fine to him, I just don't see it. I am now 7 months pregnant and a far cry from how I used to look. The lack of control I have over my expanding body right now has actually made me more confident sans clothing. My body is not my own anymore and it is doing something magical. I wish I had this confidence when I had my size 2 body but I am hoping that moving forward I can continue to love my body as it is (an imperfect, slightly wider version of its former self). My husband thinks it's sexy and so should I. Who else am I trying to please? It is exhausting being self conscious. We all deserve to be happy in our own skin. Good article!

  2. Thanks so much for sharing! I love how pregnancy has transformed your vision of yourself in a positive way. I also hope that moving forward you will have a renewed sense of confidence, and that other women can draw inspiration from your story!

    <3 Bossy Italian Wife

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