An Open Letter To Anal Tattoos

Dear Anal Tattoos:

You seem to be trending lately on websites and butts everywhere, and I think it's time we had a talk. Frankly, I have nothing against you personally, but I find you puzzling. Why someone needs a butterfly that leads to their bum hole is a phenomenon I can't fully comprehend.

What possesses someone to your clutches is baffling... who is just sitting around and says to themselves, "I think I should get a tattoo on my bottom that depicts the seven dwarfs and their cave that leads directly to my glory hole!" I suppose that getting an anal tattoo denotes an amount of privacy, but quite honestly, if I were undressing someone and came across a permanently inked picture on their nether-cheeks, it would give me serious pause.

Permanent butt art just takes private parts to a new level, and I suppose I am not sure if I should reject you or thank you. On the one hand, some of these rears that get tatted are just downright ugly to begin with, so you may be doing them a favor. Nothing distracts from those child-bearing stretch marks like well-placed scenes from ancient Japan.

But on the other hand, when I see pictures of say, two hands, one on each cheek looking like they want to pull the butt cheeks apart, well, it makes me think of people sticking things in your butt. I can't help it. That brings to the place in my mind where I start thinking that people who get butt and other anal tats are just really into anal sex. By that time I have spent so much time thinking about anal tattoos that my brain hurts.

And there is my issue: anal tats make my brain hurt.

Will someone PLEASE end this madness for me?! Explain to me the allure. It's just not your average tattoo. Why the butt? Why?!!!

Sincerely Yours,

Bossy Italian Wife 


  1. This made me laugh so hard! I shared it on FB because it's a nugget f specialness that needs to see the wondrous light of the INternet.

  2. BAHAHAHA....I also think is this hilarious and not sure how the eff I ended up here when i was looking for skin tightening
    solutions LOL Either way, I'm glad I did, loved the blog! Honestly, I do not have the answer, but I'm with ya on...WTF??!!??

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