When a girlfriend of mine saw a relationship go south, she was a little blue about it. So when she asked me what to post on FaceBook that her former beau might see, I thought about it for a couple of moments. Then I eagerly answered, “Post your FaceBook status to say ‘thank you’ to the guy who sent you flowers!”
No one had sent her flowers...but, to me, it seemed like the right idea. Like the 2012 technological version of the old-school trick of sending yourself flowers to make your love interest jealous. It’s like telling that person (or even the world) that someone is interested in you, and it puts into play that adage of “fake it until you make it.” Sure, it’s a white lie, but is it all that bad?
Therein lies the question.
Over the next several minutes, my friend and I tried to come up with a better FaceBook status that focused on her own happiness--which is much more her. The truth is, my entire suggestion had more to do with my own secret flower fantasy than my girlfriend’s own situation. You see, my husband, despite being a great husband most of the time, doesn’t to buy me flowers. He thinks that buying flowers is a waste of money because they die.
I find buying flowers to a very romantic gesture...because they die. It’s a total waste of money and NOTHING says “I love you” like throwing away a bunch of money on someone for the sole purpose of making them happy. Plus I love the sunny greeting that flowers bring to a room. They are so cheery.
Because I love flowers so much and because my husband never buys them for me, I have [over the years] developed this sort of fantasy about sending myself flowers. Of course, the flowers wouldn't be from me... sometimes I do, in fact, buy myself flowers, but these flowers would be flowers from my “secret admirer.”
The flowers would be a HUGE display and they would come to my house via a delivery service. And the card would read, “Love, Your Secret Admirer.” And I would swoon and say, “Gee, babe, that is SO sweet of you to send me flowers and call yourself my secret admirer. I love that!” And in my fantasy, my husband feels completely internally conflicted because, of course, he didn’t really send the flowers and [if everything goes according to plan] he would also think they were from someone else.
And in the end, this would prompt him to begin buying me flowers.
Alas, I have never actually done this because, like my girlfriend who didn’t want to lie in FaceBook status to get attention from someone she liked, I also don’t want to lie to get what I want. That, and I don’t like relationship game playing and this flower fantasy is just a version of game playing.
I realize that some are completely into the game playing aspect of relationshipping, and a small part of me admires that. I am just not made of that stuff. When If my husband buys me flowers, I want to know that it is because he was listening, not because I tricked him into it. There is just nothing like the real thing. And the real thing isn’t a game.
So for now, I will have to keep my flower fantasy on hold. However, if anyone wants to anonymously send me flowers and be my secret admirer, I would not object--heck, I might even think they were ACTUALLY from my husband... or at least I might pretend to.