Some Thoughts on my 10 Year Reunion

I knew it was coming... it was coming and I was trying to ignore it. My 10 year reunion of high school, that is. And it's weird because I a) I am sure that I am not that old, and b) ten years flew by so fast that suddenly I am realizing how old I am. UGH. Now, over the years, I have flip flopped on the issue of said reunion.

Now that I am faced with it the actual thing next June, I am not sure I can pull the trigger on attending the sucker.

The thing is, high school was not that joyous a time for me. Period. And I know that some people from my high school will read this post and I sincerely don't want to offend any of them because there are a lot of people from high school I genuinely like. But high school was not that great. It was confusing. It's a time when you feel like an adult but other people are still in charge of you--and that stinks. It's a time when people make fun of your best friend because of his sexuality, and that still makes my blood boil. High school is a time when people said they slept with you and they didn't.

On the flip side of that, high school was also a time when you went to dances in fancy dresses. I got to explore a ton of hobbies from painting to theater to creative writing [okay, let's not kid ourselves, I was artsy-fartsy] and learn which ones I was good at and which ones I wasn't [for instance, I will never be a great painter.] It was the time I learned how to date, and who was my friend, and all about horrible social norms some of which would follow me into the real world.

It had it's place and time and I would never characterize it as wholly bad. But is it a place I want to revisit? Hmmm. Geez. I am now thinking of biting off all my nails and I don't want to do that because I have spent two weeks growing them out.

If I am being perfectly honest, I just don't think I can go. I don't want to stand around awkwardly while people ask me what I have been up to in the last ten years and then have them secretly judge me on my accomplishments. I don't want to explain why I don't have children. I don't want to tell them about my husband and all the stuff I do in my life because I don't really think they care. And I don't want to be the fly in the ointment who is like, "This is so weird" just because it IS so weird.

Maybe I will feel differently by the time our 20 year reunion rolls around. By then, perhaps I will be more excited to see people and talk about god knows what. Maybe I won't. But the fact of the matter is that just because the reunion is happening, doesn't mean I have to go. For now, if I want to see people--or if people want to see me--let's catch up in a less set up, awkward way. 

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