Change Isn't Instant & That Totally Sucks

I was watching "The Five Year Engagement" the other night, which, in case you were wondering, is a fabulous and funny movie. It included one of those montages wherein the person makes all these changes and then it's like, "oh my gosh, brand new you--it's like you, only better--thing." And I thought it was sweet and the movie rolled on.

Then my husband went to take the movie back and grab a bucket of grocery store fried chicken, which, honestly is great chicken in case you were also wondering about that. Well, that was when I got to thinking. I was thinking about how change never happens that a montage. Real change--you know, like the kind that happens in real life, or in a real relationship--can be painful as well as painfully slow.

I have found this to be true time and time again in my own relationship and while I can't change it, what I can do is tell you all it totally sucks. It sucks. The pace of change sucks and it bothers me. I'm bothered. I wish it moved faster, but you know what? It doesn't change the rate of change.

As bothered as I am by this sucky pace of change, I have come to accept it.

My husband will not change overnight and neither will I. Despite my constant self-monitoring, I still drop the f bomb, and sometimes I do it in front of children (much to my own embarrassment, of course.) Even though my husband wants desperately to ask me how I am doing emotionally, sometimes he forgets and then is subsequently annoyed when I remind him. Change is slow.

It's why they say that love is patient. I am not patient, but I am in love. And while I--impatient person that I am--may hem and haw and say aloud, "THIS SUCKS; PLEASE CHANGE IT!" My love gives me some superhuman ability to breathe in and out without walking out the door until the change happens, bit by painful bit. The irony in all of this? That sometimes [not all times, but sometimes] the change happens so slowly that you just don't even notice it's happened. Then you forget to give credit.

Like the time I quit smoking cigarettes and in the absence of my disgusting habit, some people didn't even notice. Yea, sure, it took me like 5 years and 20 million attempts to quit, but still. It happened. And someday, my husband will unload the dishwasher without me ever asking him to do it because he knows that it is so special to me when he does little things like that (and I'm not being specific to the dishwasher, it could be any, little thing...hint hint) and I might not even notice. But it doesn't make it any less spectacular.

So, in that vein, take a moment to appreciate yourself and those around you who may be changing slow as heck, but nonetheless, changing. If you stop and think about how instant our society wants everything--okay, let's be honest how instant I want everything--it's sort of refreshing that anything moves slowly anymore, right?

When welcome change happens quickly, be thankful. But when it also happens slowly, be mindful that it is still happening. Taking a step back and recalling that things have changed can sometimes be an awakening experience, especially in a longterm relationship (and yes, your longterm relationship with yourself counts--single or attached!)

So tell me. What has changed for you in your relationship with someone else or yourself? What gradual change are you thankful for today? Leave it the comments section below. 


  1. This hit home for me. It was pointed out to me that I am always polite with everyone but I seldom say please at the beginning of a request to my husband. It is added on to the end of the sentence most of the time... I am trying to change this but it is a slow go for me.

  2. Thanks for your comment. Isn't it funny how we can often be less nice to the people we love the most? I have seen this in my own marriage, and we are always working on that one. And like the rest, it isn't instant and that sucks! Haha.