I wanted to take a moment to talk about drama....and not, like, the good kind of drama that takes place in movies or on stage, but the type of drama that happens in your life. It happens in families, in groups of friends--certainly it happens in the workplace. You will see people (and hear people) go on ad nauseum about how much they hate drama, but to be perfectly frank, it’s just not true.
People freaking love drama. Why do you think that movies are so popular and television shows and books give us gripping DRAMA? It sells. Duh.
And you wanna know something else about drama? It’s awesome from a distance. That is to say, that if you aren’t the direct target of it, it’s a lot better to sit back and speculate about. Which is where we all come in. Ever notice this about groups of people....how much they use other people’s drama as a “rally point”??? Sometimes it happens by accident, other times it happens on purpose. What it all has in common, though, is that people like to talk.
It’s the reason your girlfriends can’t wait to tell you about “what happened to so-and-so” or why your coworkers are all gossiping around the water cooler about another’s relationship, poor work performance or whatever the heck else happens in offices. (When I am talking around my own water cooler, it’s to a plant, so I have to go on imagination for that one.)
When you are target of all that drama--say a group of women are mean to you for whatever reason or you overhear your coworkers talking smack on you, or someone tells you third hand what someone else said about you--it totally sucks. Many of us feel completely jilted at the point where the storm comes directly overtop of us. That is the moment when most of us hate the drama.
But it’s as though we also come down with amnesia the moment the drama has passed, and then revert right back to the tactics, of course focusing on someone else, that got us into trouble in the first place. Well I am here to tap you on the shoulder. This is why I wanted to have this talk.
See, belonging is one of the most important things the human race experiences. We are wired to want to feel a part of a group--even if the group (pardon my French) sort of sucks. We use drama (ie- gossip, belittling, telling other people’s secrets) as a way to bond with one another...and it WORKS! So we keep on doing it.
When it turns on us, we are shocked, but it rarely breaks the cycle. Today, I implore you to walk the drama-free walk. I have been walking it for a while now, and I have a few things to report.
1) At first, it was hard (you would be surprised how much we talk about other people just to fill silence)
2) Then, it was easier (I started having more meaningful conversations and friendships)
3) I suddenly got more hobbies
4) Dramatic friends melted away like magic
5) There have been no events to turn on me because I’m living my life differently.
None of this is to say that I was a “mean girl.” Most of us aren’t--you probably aren't mean, are you?! But that doesn’t mean we can’t do better and better all the time. Taking the drama out of life takes friendships to a whole new level, and everyone should have an experience like that, if you ask me! You will not only feel better about yourself, but you will absolutely get out what you put in.
So tell me, how do you accidentally (or not accidentally) participate in drama? Have you stopped living a drama-laced existence and found it as marvelous as I have?!? Share your experiences and thoughts in the comments section below!