How You Lost Your Virginity....

I was really intrigued to read THIS ARTICLE in Science Daily a couple of weeks ago. If you aren't in the mood for the read today, I'll recap it for you because it's really simple: the first time you have sex has a lasting impact on the way you experience sex in your life. That's a huge impact.

Now, in my book, A Moment With Each of My Lovers (which, I hope you will read), I talk about how highly I anticipated my first time. The only thing I ever thought about with more anticipation in my life was my wedding. So that puts losing your virginity on a pretty important pedestal. And let's face, it really is.

This partly because it's so scary, right? I mean, I was terrified. In the end, though, I had a really great experience, I felt that I was [mostly] in control, and if I do say so myself, it was also a pretty adventurous way to lose it. All in all? Great experience.

Subsequently, my sex life remains pretty great. I enjoy sex, and I have an awesome partner, and I am not afraid to venture out of my comfort zone and try new things. I really believe that sex is fun and a healthy release. On the flip side of all this, though, is the fact that there are a lot of women out there who used to be girls whose experiences were completely the opposite of mine.

Of course, I am not doubting there are also men out there who have had some pretty experiences, but I'm going to focus on the ladies here for a second, and guys, we'll come back to you in a sec, okay?

When you are a teenager, which is when most of us lost our virginity, hormones are rampant. They are crazy rampant. And we aren't all lucky enough to have great examples of love or parents who feel open talking to us. Heck, some of us just have an off day and bobs-you-uncle you lost your virginity to that guy who looked a little like Jordan Catalano and then you really get yourself in an awkward pickle.

And I believe that these experiences travel with us--consciously or unconsciously. However, there is good news in this study, even if you had a really bad no-good, awful time losing your virginity. The thing is, when we are out there functioning in the world without the presence of enlightenment, we're just sort of doing what we know and not always thinking about it.

So, if we know, we can change. 

Gentlemen, here is where you can rejoin the conversation. If you talk to your partner, especially in the context of a longterm relationship, you know whether or not they've had a good or bad first experience. If we are aware of the wounds, we can begin to heal them. By knowing if a women felt unloved the first time she had sex, you can ask her how to make it better. Maybe she needs to hear something specific. When a woman feels comfortable, she is better able to open up to the possibilities of love, and that includes sex.

So if your first time sucked, and your current sexual attitude or practice leaves a little something to be desired, think about it in a new light. If your overall satisfaction is tied to your first time and the attitudes surrounding the details of it, you can always use "the now" to work through your past disappointments.

So tell me, was your first time awful, wonderful or somewhere in between? Do you think that the study is correct or incorrect? Let's discuss in the comments section below! And to read more about my first time, download my book for an amazing 99 cents by CLICKING HERE! 


  1. *laughs* I guess it's easy to say my first time wasn't too memorable as I've forgotten a lot of the details through the haze of time. I was 14, nearly 15, and head over heels in what I was positive was the love of my life. Which lasted on his end less than 8 months, and several years for me.

    I can't even remember where- I know where we did it throughout our relationship, but where the first time took place? I just can't say. Too many years ago... I remember thinking that it wasn't what I'd hoped it would be, nothing like the books said it would be, but I enjoyed the closeness, sure it was the best way to express our love. He was sweet, and gentle, and kind... but greatness comes with practice, and the right man, not boy. I'm grateful to him for the care he took with me, and for doing all he could to make it the best, but it pales, very much so, when compared to what I have with my hubby!

    1. This is a good perspective that argues the opposite of the study!! You certainly are right in that makes for good closeness and expression. :)

  2. My first time was laughable. With a guy who could've cared less (in fact, he ended up cheating on me the following week) and it was OUTSIDE, on a hill, on a TIRE. It was freezing cold and awful, but you live and learn, right? haha

    1. So many sexual experiences (especially some of the first ones) can be laughable, and hopefully in a good way in hindsight! On a hill--on a tire no less?! That is pretty memorable if you ask me!! But I sincerely hope that did not set the precedent for your adult sex life!!! Haha