It's My Birthday! Let's Party With Pickles & Sex

Today is my birthday. I turn 27 years old today and that is nothing to shake a stick at, mostly because I don't shake sticks. The truth is, I have never felt younger. Or more cool. I feel young and cool, so there. Maybe you are supposed to be all like, "oh I feel so old on my birthday," but over the weekend, I  had a dance party that included Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, so I'm feeling rad.

Since it's my birthday today, I wanted to do something special, but also something that was totally "me." Let's face it, birthdays are the one day where you get to be all "you" and no one is allowed to give you a bunch of crap about it. So what would I pick... there are two things I came up with.

Sex and pickles. I know, at first it seems a strange combination, but they really are two of my favorite favorite things.

First of all, I am really into sex... it's awesome. Who can disagree? Orgasms are awesome. I am hoping to get one for my birthday. I don't think anyone should be missing out on the pleasure of sex; it's one of life's great pleasures, along with food of course, and it is meant to be enjoyed. The great thing about sex is that it can be enjoyed so many different ways--it never gets boring!

You can enjoy sexual pleasure alone or with a partner... heck, if you are really adventurous, you can enjoy it with a crowd. Whatever, I'm not judging. There are also a variety of ways in which to enjoy it with one partner, and that rocks too. In the nearly nine years I have been with my husband, sex has never lost it's luster, we just keep finding new ways to enjoy it....

And in this way, sex is like pickles. Er, it's like pickling.

Okay, you all know how into canning and preserving I am these days, right? Well, some people are more into the instant gratification style canning than the arduous process of canning. Hey, I get it. Some people like random hook up sex, and others like marriage sex--it's a diverse world. But just because I like the long process canning for storage doesn't mean I'm not into a little quickie every now and again.

That was why I tried refrigerator pickles last week. Refrigerator pickles are the quickie version of canning pickles, and any way you cut it, a pickle is a pickle... and I love me some pickles. So in the name of diverse sex and pickles, I wanted to share this recipe with you, along with some pictures of my pickles.

If you want to try your hand at canning, and you are looking to tickle your pickle, give this recipe a try. I adapted it from THIS RECIPE. So feel free to try both. I was just feeling adventurous... what can I say, that's the type of pickler I am.

Cut up your cucumbers--you will need about 6-8 small ones. Less if they are bigger. 

Pack them into your jars. Then add in some spices and herbs. I used: 

fresh dill
garlic (whole clove)
red pepper flakes
black peppercorns

These jars are packed and ready for their brine! 

A word on brine: it's really very easy. It's basically kosher salt, vinegar and water. Easy. 

This blue thing comes with a ball canning starter kit and is immensely useful. It funnels your liquids and/or solids into the jar all neatly. In this case I am using it to see my brine safely into my jars. 

All brined up and ready to go...

Purdy, right? 
Leave them to reach room temp and then stick them in the refrigerator. Wait two days and then EAT! They should last at least a couple months in the fridge because vinegar is a great preservative. 

Billie's Easy Refrigerator Pickles 
[Adapted From]

Time: 30 minutes, tops | Makes 3 pints | Difficulty: Easy 

You Will Need:

3 pints jars, with lids and bands 
6-8 small cucumbers, sliced into long strips 
fresh dill 
6 cloves garlic, peeled 
black peppercorns
dried fennel seeds 
red pepper flakes 

1 cup apple cider vinegar 
1/2 cup white vinegar 
1 1/2 cups water 
2 tablespoons kosher salt 


Wash jars, lids and bands in hot soapy water and dry. Set on a towel (we always use the towels so that the jars are protected). 

Slice the cucumbers lengthwise so that they fit easily into the jars. You want to leave about a half of an inch of headspace in the jar. 

Place two cloves are garlic in each jar atop the pickles. place in a sprig of fresh dill (more if desired) into each jar. Add some peppercorns, fennel seeds, and red pepper flakes to each jar. Eyeball it--don't worry too much about the measures, but you don't want to douse it. A few of each will do nicely! 

In a medium saucepan, combine the kosher salt, vinegar and water. Bring to a boil. 

Pour the hot brine into the jars, carefully, leaving that 1/2 inch headspace at the top. 

Secure the lids and bands on the jars and leave them to sit until they reach room temperature. Once at room temp, place they jars in the refrigerator. Let them sit at least a couple days before you open them up. 


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