A Break Up is a Break Up!

When you go through a break up, it can be a tough thing. Oh yes. Before I was a Bossy Italian Wife, I knew a thing or two about break ups. I had a long and tumultuous relationship with my high school sweetheart, Steve Martin, and for whatever reason, we were into breaking up and getting back together. We probably broke up about 3 times over our 3 or 4 year relationship...

What I learned from that experience? Once you break up once, it's bound to happen again. That is why I just can't understand when I see people getting back together with their exes. Isn't there a reason he or she is your ex?? And why can't you remember what that reason is??? 

I know what you are thinking: there is an exception to every rule. Yea, well, stuff it because we are not talking exceptions today, we are talking rules. And one of mine is once you break up, you are broken up. Sure, ex sex is one thing, but that doesn't mean you have to get back together... and really, why go back when where you intend to go is forward??? 

The truth is that we all have instincts when it comes to relationships. If yours tell you to break it off and you follow through only to realize that you might have misgivings about the break up, trust your BETTER instincts and stay broken up. Once you've called it quits, you have broken the fundamental trust that exists between two people in a relationship, anyway: the part where you stay together. 

And let's not confuse talk with action. Over the nearly nine year relationship I've had with my husband, of course at one time or another we have discussed the possibility of not being together. It's bound to come up when you are busy annoying the crap out of one another (and it happens.) The bottom line? Once you walk out that door, you walk out that door, and that is the end. For us, there is no end in sight  and we realize the gravity of such a decision. 

If you aren't ready for the break up, don't do it. Once you do, though, see it through. All. The. Way. 

...And of course there is a time and place for getting together and breaking up and getting back together; it's called high school. That's where that behavior belongs. Everyone will certainly at one time or another have the yo-yo relationship where they want to get back together, and we will all forgive you. But remember, everytime you break up with someone, your friends and family are going to like them less as well and be less emotionally invested in your relationship. 

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